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It’s The New Year, People

31 Dec 2009 by Legendria

Here it is again, the last day of yet another year when people around the world gather to countdown the hours, minutes, seconds to a new year. This is also the time when people start to make resolutions and plans for the upcoming year, when people think back to the events, occasions and incidents of the past 12 months and moan or rejoice at their individual happenings. It is a sad yet joyous time; sad because another year has gone and joyous because a whole new chapter is starting.

What was 2009 for me? Hmmm, well, at the top of my head, I can only pull out one thought; this year saw the longest time I’ve ever been single ever since I started dating. Hahahah, yes, I know that’s a weird thing to say but I finally got a whole lot of time just for myself, without worrying about a boyfriend and the problems that are attached to having one. And my conclusion? I’m enjoying it very much and frankly, I am much happier being single than when I was in a relationship. It just goes to prove that I am independent and able to stand on my own two feet without a man.

Anyway, 2009 was pretty much quite calm for me personally, aside from a break-up, a public love confession on my Facebook from a salesman and some minor drama here and there, but it was somewhat of a hell for some of the people close to me. Two of my best girls have had their hearts broken, one fortunately has resolved the matter while one is still being tortured almost on a daily basis by a stupid guy. I hope that the new year will be much better in terms of relationship for her.

But it wasn’t all bad for love in 2009. Many of my friends got married and another one of my best girls was proposed underwater, sooooo romantic!!

Although some people may think of me as wasting my time and life this past year, I really do think that I am much happier and calmer than I’ve been in a long time and to me, that’s all that matters. My family has my back and if my mom, dad and brother are not complaining about what I’m doing then other people’s opinions do not matter with me. And besides, I’m not borrowing any money from people to live (I have my own) so why should they care?

But I think my biggest break-through for this year was the whole change of appearance. Gone is the long hair that has been hounding me since I started school, hello to a new short, and my cousins said sexy, haircut. Ever since I cut my hair, it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m more carefree, happy and light. Also I noticed I have more energy since I maintained my jogging routine and even managed to increase the number of rounds that I jog. I feel better these past few months and hope to maintain it in the next year.

Of course, with every year, there are windows of opportunities opening and also opportunities missed. My brother and I almost bought over a business, and although it was sad to let the chance go willingly, I guess after thinking about it intensely, that opportunity just wasn’t for us.

What’s in store for 2010? Well, looking at my calendar now, there are alot of weddings to attend as my best girls are getting married!!! And I foresee pregnancies and babies next year too . For me, I’ll be traveling alot, one agenda on my list is the climb up Mt. Kinabalu. I don’t care how long it takes, I’m going to climb all the way to the top!! Also, hopefully, the planned trip to Redang is on because I miss the island so much. Other than that, we’ll see how the year goes. I’m back to my ‘go with the flow’ motto.

So, with the new year, there’s usually a New Year’s resolution, right? Well, the past two years, my resolution was to take as many pictures as possible, which I have done, but this new year, I need to better myself in some way so I figured out what bugged me the most this year, which was doing favours for unappreciative people. So my New Year’s resolution for 2010 is to try and stop doing favours for people who don’t appreciate them or appreciate me. Trust me, there have been alot of it going on in 2009 and I’ve got to nip it in the butt.

I hope everyone will have a safe and happy New Year celebration. Do not look back to the past but focus on the future that is coming your way. We all have alot more living to do so let’s get to it!!

Happy New Year!!!

Category: Life Leave a Comment

As I Sit Here…9

23 Dec 2009 by Legendria

As I sit here, reading Sally Anne Morris’s ‘Trick or Treat’, I find myself noticing the last sentence in this paragraph; “Lucy nodded back self-consciously, aware of her puffy eyes and swollen nose. She was not a good-looking crier.”

I have come across that particular or similar line a few times in my fiction-reading history and it makes me wonder, (1) Should we be crying nicely? (2) Can we cry and maintain our immaculate face and make-up?

I mean, you cry when you’re sad, right? (Well, most of the time, I don’t count the times you cry from laughing so hard). So when you’re sad and you’re crying, won’t tears flow down your eyes? And don’t your nose and cheeks start to turn pink? Also, don’t your face kind of scrunch up from all that sorrow, anguish, pain, whatnot? When all that is happening, can you actually maintain that perfect facial expression?

I’ve seen myself cry before and trust me, it’s not a pretty sight, hahaha! Why on Earth would I want to cry prettily anyway? Maybe it would look good on my resume, “Can cry prettily.” I should get hired pretty fast, huh?

Category: Life, Ramblings, Something to Think About Tags: crying Leave a Comment

The Ugly Girl-ling

14 Dec 2009 by Legendria

It’s hard not to feel like the ugly duckling of the bunch when you’re constantly surrounded by smoking hot chicas all the time. I mean, yeah, people might tell you that “Oh, you’re pretty” or “Don’t be silly, you’re attractive too” but these are what people say to you, who, let’s face facts, are usually your friends and family. But how about what you yourself see when you go out?

Case in point. The girls that I usually hang out with are all lovely (let’s focus on physical beauty for the meantime, alrite, but that’s not to say they’re not lovely inside too. Don’t put words in my mouth ). Anyway, whenever I’m out with them, it’s hard not to notice the stares and looks they get from the opposite sex. And it’s not those leery ‘I-wanna-get-in-your-pants’ stares, it’s those ‘Wow, what an attractive woman. I would like to get to know her’ looks .

And sometimes it doesn’t stop at the stares, they even get guys coming up to talk to them . A foreigner actually went up to one of my girl friends right on the streets and said, “You’re beautiful.” Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking the guy just wants to test his luck but the point is, that totally random comment from a random guy made her feel so much more beautiful and appreciated as a woman. If I actually take the time to relate every single approach my girl friends and cousins have had from guys, I would have to make an entirely new blog.

When I look at each and every one of the girls I usually go out with, I kind of understand why guys are so attracted to them. Like with my friends L and M, L is the Chinese beauty with a beautiful singing voice and a really addictive laughter while M is this tall and thin dark beauty who looks really good in skirts and has beautiful eyes. My best friend E has this cute round face which lights up whenever she smiles or laughs and has really long silky hair (she managed to turn the heads of the male employees at One Utama’s Live It Up! recently).

As for my cousins, we have A who has this captivating wavy hair, lovely body figure and a face that simply attracts attention and wolf-whistles. Then there’s S, the diva of the group, who is always immaculate in her dressing and her make-up, looking all hot and sizzling no matter where she goes. Let’s not forget I, whom I am always thankful she’s wearing a tudung (head scarf) for she’ll just knock out every man in her sight with her no-mercy combo of long fairytale wavy brown hair, fair skin, petite body and very expressive face. And last but not least is Z, who is the quiet one of the bunch, but it is that quiet wisdom and silent sense of humour that emits from her adorable face that is so attractive (she has a very cute laugh too).

Okie, for the sake of argument (because I know I’ll have some family members protesting), here’s how I am; I am one of two types, depending on my mood, which are either the gangster jeans-and-jacket girl or the gothic nothing-but-black girl, which apparently some guys find totally scary and unapproachable.

I’m not saying I’m jealous or envious of them (truthfully I’m not, my family and God knows that very well) . I’m actually really proud of them, even more so with their individual attitudes and personalities. But sometimes no matter how hard your family (or you yourself) tries to make you see that you’re beautiful in your own way, it’s just hard to feel good about yourself when time after time, the attention is on them and hardly ever on you , not that I’m the attention-seeker type, mind you. Just feeling kind of down after recent events.

So, to the family who tries so hard to make me believe in myself, I do once in a while but this post is written so that you can actually see why I think the way I think. And yeah, this is how I think most of the time. And please don’t go into the whole ‘Girl, you know you are each special in your own way’ lecture because I’ve heard it so many times, I know it by heart. This is just my way of letting loose of some emotional stress, that’s all, nothing more.

Category: Ramblings Tags: looks, ugly duckling Leave a Comment

The Dealt Hand

01 Dec 2009 by Legendria

Sometimes life deals you a hand where you have no idea which action to take. Should you fold and live to gamble another day or should you take the risk and play the round, hoping that you won’t lose much or at all?

There are times when the hand you are dealt with looks good but not good enough for you to know for sure that you’re going to win. You can decide to play it out and hope to chance, luck, God, whoever, whichever, that you would win the round. But if your confidence is kind of shaky, then maybe it’s better for you to fold and hold out until you are dealt with a hand that you are much more comfortable with.

Then again, some people would say that it’s not the dealt hand that determines the win or lose, it’s the person holding the hand. Even though it’s a losing hand, someone who knows how to handle it would make the most of whatever was given, or even better, someone who is clever would be able to turn the losing hand into a winning one.

So which one am I?

In my younger years, I usually play with whatever hand I was dealt with. No matter how bad or good it looked, my motto was always, “Go with the flow.” I mean, there’s got to be a reason why God dealt me this hand, right? Why not just play the round on the off chance that something good might come out of it. True, I didn’t come out all clean and scrape-free from some of the dealt hands but hey, I survived, didn’t I?

But now, as I approach my older years, I find myself cautious to the point of being suspicious. The hand that I am dealt with looks good, but then again, does it look good because I want it to look good? Is it good enough? Can I play this hand and come off unscathed if it were to betray me in the end? Or is my expertise too low to be able to handle it properly?

It is at that point of thinking that I start to back off because it is safer to not play than to play and risk my soul, my heart, my mind, my money, whatever, whichever. True, I might miss out on the winning of a lifetime or something semi-good, but perhaps I find myself too old to gamble anymore. When I was young, it didn’t seem that I would lose much should I choose to gamble; the healing process was quite quick for me to get back on my feet and play again in no time at all. But with time and death knocking on my door, constantly reminding me of their presence, I find it hard to just go with the flow anymore.

C.S. Lewis was quoted, “You play the hand you’re dealt. I think the game’s worthwhile.” Here’s my thinking: I don’t think I can afford to play games, in life, in relationships, anymore.

Category: Life, Something to Think About Tags: dealt hand in life, decisions, Life Leave a Comment