For example, if I don’t wish to communicate with a certain person, it could be because he/she may have offended me in some way or he/she has hurt one of my family members. If I refuse to visit a certain place, it could be because I have had a bad experience or service there. If I do not comment or contribute to a conversation, it could be because I do not wish to hurt anyone’s feelings or risk being misinterpreted. There is always a reason behind my actions.

So, when I say “Do not talk to me about issues on race, religion and politics”, there is a reason behind it.

I despise talking about racial, religion and political topics because I have seen with my own eyes, I have heard with my own ears, how these issues can break a friendship, shatter a relationship, separate family members. A husband and wife can argue and sleep in separate rooms during a political election because each supports different parties. Two friends can start arguing and debating over religion and stop talking to each other because they both have their own interpretations and beliefs. A nation can be divided into groups all up in arms and accusing each other because of racial tension, each believing the other is wrong.

I find it sad.

There’s only a handful of people who I can talk these three issues with and they are my brother, my cousin (Syahrir) and my friend (Kuek). Although we all have contrasting beliefs, we are mature enough to understand that we each see things differently and yet not take that to offense, and most importantly, we know when to stop talking about it if someone is feeling slightly hot under the collar.

I would love to be as diplomatic as possible. I would love to not accuse anyone without proper proof. I would love not to pass judgment on a race, a religion, a politician. I would love not to say anything that might hurt or offend the other party. Yet, I find that regardless what I say or not say, it is never good enough. If I speak my mind and say something, it’s wrong. If I do not wish to comment and don’t say anything, it’s wrong as well. So what do you want from me?

Another thing that frustrates me alot about these types of conversation is how I always get the short end of the stick. How come you can say whatever you want, how come you can speak your mind, but I can’t? How come you can say ‘I don’t appreciate the comment you made’ and when I retaliate by saying ‘I don’t appreciate the comment you made either’, you get all defensive? If you don’t want to listen or acknowledge other people’s perspective then don’t bring up the issue, simple as that. I am not the enemy so there’s no point in you getting all riled up at me when all I am doing is listening to you talk about something I do not wish, never wish, to delve in and contributing to the conversation based on my own opinions.

Also, in these types of conversations, you’ll be amazed at the assumption people can make about you. Just because I am of a certain race and of a certain religion in a certain country, people can actually tell me that I don’t ’see’ what the other races and the other religions see because my race and my religion are getting the cream of the crop. So, am I justified in saying that because you are not of a certain race and you are not of a certain religion, you don’t ’see’ what I see? If it can go one way, it can go the other way too.

After living all these years and hearing so many things, I have learnt not to jump to the first conclusion I arrive to. That is why some people would notice that I often say, “Maybe it’s not that reason”, “Mayhaps it’s not what you think it is”, “Perhaps it’s another group causing trouble but pinning the blame on another group”, “Perhaps it’s better to say it in a different way.” Ever thought of that? Maybe not, I guess.

Don’t, please don’t, assume that you know how I think, know what I see, know what I hear, know what I say, when in fact, you don’t know me at all. Just because I don’t say certain things or don’t agree with you or don’t say things you want to hear, it doesn’t mean I am incapable of putting myself in other people’s shoes. It doesn’t mean that you’re right or you’re wrong. It just means that we have different opinions, different perspectives, different beliefs, because we are two different people and we each should respect the fact that we have our own views. Let’s just say we agree to disagree and be done with it.

This is why I love to write. It is only here, in my post, that I am able to say what I really want to say because this is my post, my blog. Some people love to talk about these three issues. They love to point out that they’re right. They love to argue non-stop and vehemently debate the other party into silence, especially about race and religion. And this is what I think (and I have mentioned this before in Silence of War): Regardless what race, religion, political party or nationality you are, ‘…strip off your skin, your colour, your beliefs, your brain, and you are all the same. You all have two hands, two feet, two eyes, one nose, one mouth. You all feel pain, sorrow, happiness. You all cry and laugh.’ To add to that, in my humbly low opinion, at the end of the day, all these differences, all these endless racial, religion and political fighting, all these ‘you’re wrong, I’m right’ judgments won’t matter once I’m dead and buried. Because then, only God can pass judgment.

“Lucy nodded back self-consciously, aware of her puffy eyes and swollen nose. She was not a good-looking crier.”

I have come across that particular or similar line a few times in my fiction-reading history and it makes me wonder, (1) Should we be crying nicely? (2) Can we cry and maintain our immaculate face and make-up?

I mean, you cry when you’re sad, right? (Well, most of the time, I don’t count the times you cry from laughing so hard). So when you’re sad and you’re crying, won’t tears flow down your eyes? And don’t your nose and cheeks start to turn pink? Also, don’t your face kind of scrunch up from all that sorrow, anguish, pain, whatnot? When all that is happening, can you actually maintain that perfect facial expression?

I’ve seen myself cry before and trust me, it’s not a pretty sight, hahaha! Why on Earth would I want to cry prettily anyway? Maybe it would look good on my resume, “Can cry prettily.” I should get hired pretty fast, huh?

Case in point. The girls that I usually hang out with are all lovely (let’s focus on physical beauty for the meantime, alrite, but that’s not to say they’re not lovely inside too. Don’t put words in my mouth ). Anyway, whenever I’m out with them, it’s hard not to notice the stares and looks they get from the opposite sex. And it’s not those leery ‘I-wanna-get-in-your-pants’ stares, it’s those ‘Wow, what an attractive woman. I would like to get to know her’ looks .

And sometimes it doesn’t stop at the stares, they even get guys coming up to talk to them . A foreigner actually went up to one of my girl friends right on the streets and said, “You’re beautiful.” Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking the guy just wants to test his luck but the point is, that totally random comment from a random guy made her feel so much more beautiful and appreciated as a woman. If I actually take the time to relate every single approach my girl friends and cousins have had from guys, I would have to make an entirely new blog.

When I look at each and every one of the girls I usually go out with, I kind of understand why guys are so attracted to them. Like with my friends L and M, L is the Chinese beauty with a beautiful singing voice and a really addictive laughter while M is this tall and thin dark beauty who looks really good in skirts and has beautiful eyes. My best friend E has this cute round face which lights up whenever she smiles or laughs and has really long silky hair (she managed to turn the heads of the male employees at One Utama’s Live It Up! recently).

As for my cousins, we have A who has this captivating wavy hair, lovely body figure and a face that simply attracts attention and wolf-whistles. Then there’s S, the diva of the group, who is always immaculate in her dressing and her make-up, looking all hot and sizzling no matter where she goes. Let’s not forget I, whom I am always thankful she’s wearing a tudung (head scarf) for she’ll just knock out every man in her sight with her no-mercy combo of long fairytale wavy brown hair, fair skin, petite body and very expressive face. And last but not least is Z, who is the quiet one of the bunch, but it is that quiet wisdom and silent sense of humour that emits from her adorable face that is so attractive (she has a very cute laugh too).

Okie, for the sake of argument (because I know I’ll have some family members protesting), here’s how I am; I am one of two types, depending on my mood, which are either the gangster jeans-and-jacket girl or the gothic nothing-but-black girl, which apparently some guys find totally scary and unapproachable.

I’m not saying I’m jealous or envious of them (truthfully I’m not, my family and God knows that very well) . I’m actually really proud of them, even more so with their individual attitudes and personalities. But sometimes no matter how hard your family (or you yourself) tries to make you see that you’re beautiful in your own way, it’s just hard to feel good about yourself when time after time, the attention is on them and hardly ever on you , not that I’m the attention-seeker type, mind you. Just feeling kind of down after recent events.

So, to the family who tries so hard to make me believe in myself, I do once in a while but this post is written so that you can actually see why I think the way I think. And yeah, this is how I think most of the time. And please don’t go into the whole ‘Girl, you know you are each special in your own way’ lecture because I’ve heard it so many times, I know it by heart. This is just my way of letting loose of some emotional stress, that’s all, nothing more.

As I sit here, at One Utama’s Starbucks, waiting for my car to be all clean and fresh from the carwash, I can’t help but think that Malaysians are a bunch of free-loaders. Yes, this post is going to hurt your feelings, especially to those who attempt to get something by giving nothing.

I sit at this Starbucks regularly. I have to because I have to wait for my nephew to finish his classes and it’s a pain to go back and forth when I can just sit somewhere for a few hours to do my writing. Now because I sit here for hours and days, I have seen many types of people, and today, I see free-loaders…lots of them.

I have sat here for about 55 minutes now. At this very moment, there are three occupied tables around me on the raised platform and all three tables are people who are using Starbucks facilities without purchasing anything.

One table directly in front of me is a woman who has been charging her phone with Starbucks’s power socket since even before I came. She did not purchase any drink or food. At the table right beside me, there are two girls who came and dropped their bags and started doing their homework, also without purchasing anything. The table diagonally from me is a man who is using his laptop (charged by Starbucks’s power socket) and probably accessing Starbucks’s internet connection. He too did not purchase anything.

Let’s say that maybe Starbucks doesn’t mind people coming in and using their electricity and Internet and occupying tables that paying customers should have a right to (the Starbucks employee came by to check our tables twice without saying a word to the freeloaders), but don’t you think it’s at least a little bit courteous of you to purchase something? I would never sit in a cafe and use their facilities without at least buying a cup of coffee. In a way, it’s like paying for the convenience they provided us. But nooooo, these people just sit there, unashamed that they are actually free-loading off of other people’s money.

True, Starbucks make a lot of money. True, Starbucks might overcharge their food and drinks. True, Starbucks might be owned by the powerful Berjaya Group. But that still doesn’t give the public a right to think that they can leech off of them. If they can do it at Starbucks, don’t think they won’t do the same to other, less wealthy, less popular cafes and eateries that need every cent they can get to survive (I just lost one of my favourite cafes at the Curve that provides free Wi-Fi a few months ago).

Wake up, free-loaders, unless you want karma to come and whack you in the face by placing free-loaders in your path, leeching off your goodwill, money and property.

You know what’s the funny thing I noticed? With the exception of me, every ‘customer’ on the raised platform are all free-loaders while every single table on the floor all have at least one cup of drink on their tables. I am ashamed to be sitting up here with them.

Some people who start a personal blog usually want to talk about what they did, how they feel, anything and everything personal about themselves. It’s kind of like an online diary where you can vent your frustrations and share your experiences. There’s no point calling it a ‘personal blog’ if you limit yourself to things that you think people won’t find offensive or get hurt while reading.

Look, the world is HUGE, filled with so many different people. You can say that Harry Potter is stupid and offend numerous fans, and you can even say Harry Potter is great and tick off the people who view magic as the devil’s craft. No matter what you say or write, no matter how tactful you try to be, there will be times when you will unknowingly (or knowingly, whichever you please) piss someone off.

Malays have this saying that goes along the lines of, “Siapa yang makan cili akan rasa kepedasannya”, which directly translates to “Whoever eats the chilli will taste its spiciness.” No, it’s not a chilli-eating contest or whatnot. It means that those who have done something wrong will usually feel the brunt of their wrongfulness. This saying usually applies to people who feel offended when someone makes a general comment and he/she feels that it’s regarding them.

For example, I can simply say, “I don’t understand why smokers are so inconsiderate” and my friend could get all riled up, thinking that I meant him/her because he/she smokes and he/she likes to puff up in front of me. These are the type of people who can get upset at every little thing you say or write, even though you are talking about someone totally different, because they think it sounds like you’re talking about them. And sometimes it’s because of people like this that some bloggers start to re-think about what they want to write so as to avoid such problems.

I want to let my frustrations loose. I want to show my anger through my writing. I want to have the freedom to write about my annoyances and about people who take advantage of me and whatever else I feel because heck, this is my blog. I pay for the domain, I take the time to ensure the webpage is maintained and so I should be able to write whatever I want in my blog. And I’m gonna start doing that right now!!!……….maybe. Or maybe tomorrow. Hmmmmm, you know what, let me sleep on it and I’ll get back to you.

I simply don’t get it. Is it that hard to move your hand to the indicator? Is it that far? Will the indicator shock you with a thousand volts of electricity? Will your car starts to transform into a dragon?

It seems that Malaysians are now telephatic, able to read the minds of their fellow drivers that they’re going to swerve into the next lane or drive abruptly into a turning. Malaysians are now able to read people’s car language just like how some people are able to read a person’s body language. This is the discovery of a lifetime!!

You know, since Malaysians don’t use the indicators that much, or at all, why not just do away with them altogether? My boyfriend and I were talking about this very same topic a few days ago. Maybe the government should allow car buyers the choice of whether they want the indicators. They can save, what, maybe RM30 per indicator and our local car producers can save money on having to wire the signal lights.

And you know what’s the most stupid thing? Most of the people who don’t signal and drive like they own the roads are usually the ones who complain about other people’s driving skills and road behaviour.

Ugh, look, people, it’s really simple. When you need to change lanes or are turning into another road, pleaseeeeee, for God’s sake, just click that indicator. It doesn’t take any major amount of energy and the indicators are positioned to be within easy grasp.

]]> http://www.legendria.com/2009/05/16/as-i-sit-here2/feed/ 0 http://www.legendria.com/2009/05/05/as-i-sit-here/ http://www.legendria.com/2009/05/05/as-i-sit-here/#comments Tue, 05 May 2009 04:12:56 +0000 Legendria http://www.legendria.com/?p=1478 As I sit here, in Starbucks of One Utama, I can’t help but notice that there’s a woman and man discussing some sort of design business a few tables away from me. It’s hard not to hear what they’re saying because the woman is actually speaking in quite a loud voice, and it makes me wonder…..why?

Is it because she’s excited? Is it because she’s trying to call attention to herself? They have been here way before I came by to waste some time as I wait for my nephew, and I did notice that the volume of conversation was considerably lower earlier than it is now.

I tend to note that certain people have a tendency to talk in loud voices. My mom is one of them. There were times when she literally yelled into her handphone while having a conversation with me and I often have to tell her to lower her voice. But she’s a special case because her hearing is actually troubled so to her, it sounds like she’s speaking softly. But what about those younger women?

Having to sit at Starbucks (no, I don’t support Starbucks, I actually HATE it, but it’s the only cafe where I can sit and use a stable Internet connection for hours without being disturbed) for a few days each week, I have also seen and heard groups of women chatting away in loud voices, which are not neccessary because they are only a few inches away from each other. I never did understand that.

There are also those youngsters that we encounter everywhere who always seem to talk in this hyperactive, super-volume tones (I am one of them  ). I came across many of them as I went about my days around the city. A few of them are just plain normal teenagers pumped with hormones but some are the ones we saw, and despise, back in school; those I’m-too-cool-for-you girls who MUST speak in a higher tone to seek the attention they so truly deserve.

Funny how few men have this habit.

Well, about this woman currently? She’s talking loudly because apparently she’s excited…..because she’s about to get a design job.    I’m such a busybody.

Yep, lazy lazy lazy. I went to Singapore for a two-day trip recently and the days before and after the trip were just pure laziness. I was too lazy to write, too lazy to even bother checking my traffic stats, too lazy to even reply anyone’s messages on Facebook!! What’s happening to meeee??

I need to get off my lazy bum and start writing again. Oh, wait, if I get off my bum then I’ll be writing while standing. Whatever!! I need to get motivated again, get more inspiration.

But….

It’s kinda hard to be wanting to write when the one important thing I need to write right now is my Master’s thesis. Wahhhhh!!!

Many times whenever a conversation turns to people that my friends and I would most like to meet, the answers received were more often than not actors, singers and other celebrities. When it came to me, my answer has surprised some people because I said, “I would love to meet Tun Dr Mahathir. Just being able to shake his hands would make me very happy.” Why is this shocking? My friends and family know that I’m not much of a politics fan and that I shy away whenever the elections come, sparking fights and arguments even among family members. My own mother was surprised at how excited I was at being able to finally, FINALLY, shake his hands.

Tun Dr Mahathir (from his Facebook group)

Yes, after 27 years, I finally managed to shake the hands of my country’s fourth (and in my opinion, best) Prime Minister. I have often envied people who managed to take pictures with him, talk to him, even be in the same room as him. My own boyfriend was photographed sitting right beside him during a dinner event in Japan. I thought I would never be able to have the chance to speak to him, especially after he fell ill. But God is kind, and so is my boyfriend for inviting me to the dinner yesterday night (April 10, 2009) where Tun Dr Mahathir was the special guest.

I admit I was acting like a star-struck stalker that night. I took many pictures of him and when the emcee announced that he was returning to his home, I rushed to try and shake his hands. Unfortunately, so did everybody else. For a man who’s almost pushing 90, his sight is still sharp. Even though many men were pushing me aside to thrust their hands to Tun Dr Mahathir, he still noticed my hands and allowed me to ’salam’ with him.

When I noticed that there was an organized line forming outside the hall, I rushed to line up as well and managed to not only ‘salam’ with him again but also managed to wish him a long happy life. When my aunt found out that I rushed to ’salam’ him twice, she SMSed me, “Aaah, he would be most flattered.”

I myself was taken aback by my happiness at the event (I still jump up and down when I remember the moment), and the reaction I’ve gotten from my family members. Most of them said the same thing to me after I happily told them my news,“I never knew you admired him so much.” They don’t understand.

I was born during the time when Tun Dr Mahathir was already Malaysia’s Prime Minister and I lived majority of my life under his 22-year reign. I was in Australia when he announced that he was retiring, and I still remember the shock and uneasiness I felt at the news and how sad I was that I was not in my home country when it happened. No matter what wrong he did, what mistakes he committed, what hurtful remarks he said, he did alot for our country. He fought for us, for his home, when crisis comes a-knocking but many people don’t see or remember that. Having a mostly-absent and negligent father, Tun Dr Mahathir was not just a father of modern Malaysia but a father figure for me to look up to.

A funny moment with Tun Dr M and his beloved wife (from his Facebook group)

I’m not crazy over him, like some people are when it comes to the celebrities they love. I’m not going to stalk him and steal his underwear or whatnot. He is just a man I admire because he paved the way for Malaysia to join the rest of the world. Just like a true father, he guided us when we were lost, he scolded us when we weren’t thinking properly and he praised us and joined in the celebration when a goal or dream was achieved. Through thick and thin, he has been with us. He also proved that he’s human, like everybody else, making mistakes along the way but he has always apologized when he truly felt he was in the wrong. That is more than I can say for most of the past and current politicians.

I disabled the comment page for this post because unfortunately, certain Malaysians are not mature enough to handle blogs and articles supporting Tun Dr Mahathir. There have been cases whereby troublemakers just drop unconstructive and abusive comments just because they dislike the person and disagree that some people support someone other than their own choices.

Although I have said it to him, I still wish Tun Dr Mahathir a long, happy and healthy life with his beloved wife, children and grandchildren. May God watch over him and his family.

Sometimes I have to wonder…why do we do favours? I’m not talking about party favours, such as those gifts you give out at the end of a wedding or bridal shower. I’m talking about errands or helpful things we do for other people. Aside from gratitude and appreciation, what else do you get for it? Is it worth going out of your way for other people? I’m not saying that we should get payment in any form for doing favours, but it doesn’t hurt if the people who ask you to help them out would be more appreciative towards you or refrain from stepping on your head.

Back in the past, I used to love helping people; my friends, my family, whoever that needed me. But, perhaps, as you grow older, you experience more unsavoury people and situations, which makes you more jaded and less inclined to be helpful. It is rare nowadays to find someone who asks you for help because they truly need it, not because they’re too lazy or they don’t feel like it. It is also rare to find someone who asks for your help and is really grateful for the assist, instead of thinking, “Oh, I can always ask this person to do it for me next time.”

I have a few people who constantly ask me for something. “Can you send me here?” “Can you book this for me?” “Can you go and buy this for me?” “Can you check this for me?” It’s a constant flow of, what I would call, ‘considerate demand’, which means demanding for something but putting it in a polite context to fool the person into thinking that you’re asking for a favour instead of forcing for a favour. It got to the point that I started avoiding these people’s calls and SMSes. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Look, you, I am not your bloody driver, nor am I your servant, your errand-girl or your secretary.

I don’t mind ‘helping‘ you out but you’re asking for waaaaayyyy too much and at the same time, you treat me like dirt.

(1) You make me wait for you for an hour (!!) while you choose your outfit and make-up when I’m doing you a favour by accompanying and driving you somewhere at your request. I arrive at the appointed time agreed by both parties and you’re still not ready!!

(2) You ask me to run an errand, which you yourself volunteered to do and had lots of time to do it!! But, nooooo, you were too busy hanging out with your friends everyday, every free time, until it got to almost the last minute, at which you decided to call me and bombard me with lots of stupid excuses.

(3) You call me to fetch something you left at a shopping mall, even though I’m totally far away from said shopping mall, and try your best to cajole me and guilt me into going all that way for you. This one didn’t succeed, thank God for my common sense.

(4) You make me come all the way to an appointed place for an outing only for you to cancel out on me after I’ve arrived. Hello, there’s something called the telephone. At least call me before I arrive at the place so that I may change my destination. Next time you do this, I’m going to demand you pay for my petrol. I’m not some damn free person whose life revolves around you!!

(5) You pass on your responsibility as a family member to me because it’s too far or you’re too lazy to fetch or send someone from your family somewhere. They are your family. Stop being so selfish, thoughtless and inconsiderate all the time!! Grow up and take on some responsibilities, for God’s sake.

(6) You want me to send you to a place with the excuse that you don’t know the area. Hey, here’s an idea, look at a bloody map!! Some of those places you want to go, I don’t know the area either but at least I took the effort to look it up.

(7) You assume that I will be driving, even though you have your own car and your own valid driver’s license. I am not the designated driver. We ALL have cars, at least take turns to drive. You don’t even offer to pay for my petrol or even to treat me to a drink or something.

There are SO many things you guys have done to make me scream bloody murder at you but I still hold my peace. Do not go on until I finally snap!! And no, you may think you’re playing the ‘person-in-distress’ card but in actuality, you’re more of an ‘opportunist‘. I don’t like to ask people for favours because I don’t like to bother people, and now I’m starting to hate doing favours as well because of how these people treated me. You know, instead of  being like Jim Carey who keeps saying ‘yes’ to everything in the movie, ‘Yes Man’, I’m going to be the ‘No Lady’ or the ‘We’ll See Girl’. Everytime someone asks me for something, it’ll be ‘No’ and ‘We’ll see’.