Double Meaning English
You know as well as I do that there are times when you simply don’t realize what you’re saying until someone starts laughing at you. It doesn’t mean you’re ignorant or anything, sometimes people can’t help but think ‘blue thoughts’ when they hear certain words or phrases. Let’s face it, we all have a hidden pervert somewhere deep down inside of us. 
Here are some instances when our well-meaning English just went haywire.
* * *
M was talking on the phone with a meat supplier. She was trying to purchase a turkey for an event and her ‘blue headed’ colleague, Mr S, was listening in on her side of the conversation.
M: Do you think you can supply us with a turkey for this event we’re holding? Yeah, but I need to know…uh-huh, alrite. How big is your bird? No, I need to know how big your bird is. Yeah, how big is your bird?
Mr S was just guffawing away until M realized what exactly she kept repeating to the male supplier on the phone.
* * *
On a shopping trip, M saw a t-shirt that she thought was really cute. Holding it up to herself, she saw that the t-shirt was too big for her so she called the girl sales assistant over.
M: Do you have an ‘S’? Can I see your ‘S’ please? (At this point, M’s friend started laughing aloud at what he just heard with his ‘dirty’ ears.)
Sales assistant: Yes, yes, I will show you the ‘S’. (Hearing this, M’s friend started laughing even harder.)
* * *
While driving towards our destination, my friends and I were discussing which road was the best to take. Either direction would take us to the same destination and as I was the driver, it didn’t matter to me as I was familiar with both roads.
So I said, “I can go both ways. Either way also can. No problem for me.”
Suddenly, my friend, S, started giggling in the backseat, tickled by the fact that I was perhaps talking about my sexual relationship preferences.
* * *
Hanging out with my cousins at an eatery, we were munching on french fries when one cousin started to cut the long french fries into bite sizes.
S: No, don’t cut them. I like long ones.
A: But it’s easier to eat them when they’re short.
N: I like them short. So S can have the long ones, give me the short ones.
It took us about a second to realize what our conversation sounded like and we started laughing at ourselves.
* * *
A family was celebrating their child’s birthday and had balloons blown up for the occasion at an eatery.
The father, who was holding a balloon, looked at his young son and said, “Look at my balloon. My balloon so small. Wah, look at yours. Your balloon so big, bigger than mine.”
My cousins and I, who were sitting at the next table, had to refrain from laughing at the ‘double meaning’ we heard in his words.
* * *
Driving back from a short outing, my cousin and I ended up talking about balloons and the sound they make when you rub them.
A: Oooh, I cannot. I’m scared of balloons. Scared they will pop.
Me: How can you be scared of balloons? You love blowing balloons.
Glancing at each other, we broke out in loud laughter inside the car.
* * *
Yes, some of the instances are very lame and most people won’t even realize the implications. 
But then, sometimes you just get into that state of mind when everything said seems to have a ‘dirty’ element/meaning in it. 
