Ayumi’s Tale XV

Ayumi’s Tale
(11/9/05)

XV

Well, I have changed.

My friends don’t dare to push me around anymore, not since I developed ‘some guts’ as they say. It’s going to take a while before I can truly trust anybody or make any new friends, but I’m working on it.

Speaking of new friends, I did manage to make one new friend, a guy, actually. We met at a party I attended a few months ago. I think I finally found a guy who really takes care of me, who likes me for who I am, not for my body, not for sex. And I think he’s really the one. I hope I won’t be proven wrong.

As for my parents, well, the situation isn’t so bad now ever since my father moved out from the house. I’m still the messenger though but they stop fighting and they have a mutual understanding so like I said, it’s not so bad now.

I am also healthier now. I’m taking care of my body. I really am. I’m eating more than I used to and also exercising, and I feel healthy. I’m not going to be an anorexic anymore.

Sometimes I still think about the abortion that I had, but then again, I used to think about that a lot before so that’s no difference there. I guess that incident will always remain in my head and there’s nothing I can do about it, except to not repeat the same mistake again.

I’m babbling, I know. I guess I just… I just miss you very much. I wish you were back with me. Even with all the changes I made in myself, it still feels odd without you. I just want you back.

But I guess you’re not coming back.

Well, even if you aren’t coming back, I hope that you are listening to me and that you enjoy hearing me talk to you again.

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